31-40

031. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

032. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

033. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

034. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

035. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

036. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

037. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

038. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

039. The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

040. God must love stupid people. He made SO many.